Today, I feel so physically exhausted. My full day was spent chasing my daughter, dancing, talking, chasing her to eat, checking if she is sweating. I am not physically fine. For a mom who is 152 cm in height, 43 kg in weight, with a daughter who is more than a quarter of my weight, it’s not easy; or maybe to any parent of a toddler for that matter.
My daughter is extremely attached to me. I can still view it as a healthy attachment, mainly because she is perfectly fine with the company of other people, as long as I am in the same room with them. This happens when I stay at home the whole day, but surprisingly, she is totally fine when I have to leave for work. To me, the very fact that she enjoys her interaction with others, I am entirely good with her being so attached to me. Ok, I must admit, there come some moments when I have to hide so I can eat or do my chores. There are times when I have to sneak out just to get some personal things done. There are moments when she doesn’t want to leave my side, and I had to bring her inside the bathroom with me (she enjoys it when I put her inside the laundry basket).
As I am writing this, my body is just so physically tired. But, my mind and my heart are completely occupied with joy. Why? Because I seize the moment. I treasure every detail I am doing for my child. And two things keep me going: 1) my child needs me now more than any other time in her life. Time will come when she’s going to need me less, or she probably won’t need me anymore (ok, I am teary-eyed now), so I should be very happy to be doing things for her now; 2) I can never turn back time. So if may I ask my daughter to abuse me now as her mother, I would, because I wouldn’t know if it will be the last time she would need my help in preparing her for the day.
It is sad, that no one can ever make me understand how it should feel when the time comes that my daughter won’t ask me to tie her shoe lace, because she already knows how to. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to see my child being independent and doing things on her own, but can someone please warn me if it will be the last time she would ask me to comb her hair? I would spend hours on brushing her hair, and document it, so I won’t forget that day.
To my dear Antonia, you should know from the very beginning that this blog is meant for you to look at when you grow older. Please abuse me now, and make me do every single thing for you. I love seeing you grow into a fine, and independent young lady, but please mess up your clothes now, for I would defintely miss handwashing your stained shirt. Hug me and kiss me all you want, for your kisses alone make my exhausted body rejuvenate. Surprisingly, my back doesn’t ache anymore. Just by thinking of how blessed I am for having you, my heart is healed, and physical exhaustion is just secondary.